


How Was I Supposed To Know!?!?!

by itsapalace



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Gay Sirius Black, I was seriously laughing so hard as I wrote this, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kinda Crack, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Short One Shot, Why Did I Write This?, i hope I made up for it with humor, like this would never work in canon, nevermind it's funny I swear, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28350399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsapalace/pseuds/itsapalace
Summary: Sirius's parents have trapped him and are forcing him to go over eligible girl. In an effort to escape he comes out to parents. The reaction is not what he expected.
Relationships: Orion Black/Walburga Black, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	How Was I Supposed To Know!?!?!

**Author's Note:**

> This think took up for pages of my notebook and then I put it into Google Docs and it was less than a page long. It doesn't really matter though it's funny. I fell out of my chair laughing when I thought of the idea.  
> Enjoy!!

Sirius turned seventeen that year. According to his parents ‘it was time to find a suitor’. Um no? My boyfriend and I are just fine thanks. Yet he still ended up at their table going over available pureblood females. Dragged against his will and tied to the arms of his chair. His wand was upstairs in his room- hidden under his bed so Mother wouldn’t be tempted to take it. There was no escape. He was trapped listening to his birth givers go over the power status of two dozen girls. 

“Orion- what about Alecto Carrow” Walburga passed Orion her ‘profile’.

“No. She’s not quite attractive enough to look good for the family. Put her in the maybe pile.”

What if he just came out right now? Surely they’d hate that! If he was gay then they couldn’t force him to reproduce. Orion might slap him across the face as he often did when Sirius misbehaved. Walburga might shoot a few spells at him. If it got too bad, he could just run to James’s- maybe even Remus’s.  _ Oh to live with his boyfriend- _ Pain was just temporary right?

“I’m not getting married, engaged, betrothed,  _ whatever!”  _ Sirius blurted out.

Walburga shook her head. “I know that's how you feel but it’s for the good of the family.”

_ I don’t care about your stupid family! _

“That's not what I-” he took a deep breath, “I’m gay.”

After thirty seconds of silence, Sirius looked up. There was no (new) hostility in his birth-givers eyes. No wands were drawn. No harsh words. 

Walburga must have read his expression because she scoffed.

“Sirius- you think we didn’t know? You thought we’d care? If anything this gives us more options!! It’s a shame you won’t be able to reproduce but to be honest the incest is getting to us. You saw what it did to that Bellatrix girl!!”

She turned and started discussing eligible boys with Orion. Sirius struggled against the bonds on his wrists. If there was anything worse than being sold off to some girl was being sold off to some  _ boy.  _ A boy like his Remus.  _ Remus. _

“I have a boyfriend!”   
“Is he Sacred 28?” Walburga quipped.

Sirius shook his head proudly  _ Better yet he’s a werewolf. _

“How unfortunate,” she tutted, “I’m sure you’ll get over it. I had a girlfriend when I was in school. A Bulstrode. I wonder what happened to her?”

Sirius was out of tricks and sufficiently shook. The women who birthed him? A girlfriend?

“What about Lucius Malfoy?”   
“Isn’t he with Narcissa?” Orion replied.

“Yeah but she’s bi. Put her with Alecto and Sirius with Lucius.”

“I’m not sure that’s how it works,” he laughed humorlessly. 

Sirius ended up engaged to Herbert Burk.  _ Who names their kid Herbert?!?! It’s simply ridiculous.  _ Nevertheless, he ' had no preferences’, and would therefore be ‘perfect for Sirius.’ Plus is family co owned Borgin and Burkes. At least now he was safe in his room and no longer tied to a chair. It’s the little things.

When he told James about it over their mirrors, all his best mate did was laugh. He laughed until his glasses fogged up and tears streamed down his face.

“Oh my Merlin Pads, we have to tell Moony! Only you Sirius.. Only you!”

How was he supposed to know the Blacks weren’t homophobic?!?!?


End file.
